Yinka's Muse: July 2017

How have you been ? I trust you well. Missing and longing after you has been on the increase lately, reason been I cant stop thinking about you. I have been thinking about our supposed date night and I know it will be splendid ; however, I would love to run a few ideas by you.

I read somewhere online that there a lot of healthy benefits from taking walks on the beach, the article talked about how the walk strengthens the muscles in the legs with the help of the sand, how the beach has also helped to clear the mind therapeutically and a whole bunch of other helpful stuffs.

I think a walk on the beach followed by a picnic would be perfect right now - I hear that places like that are also good for massages and I think one of the many private beaches we have here will serve the purpose.

Personally, I think taking a walk is the new sexy but the environment here in Nigeria does not create the exact serenity to enjoy the walk.

The other night, on my way back from work, I had to trek a significant distance to get another bus going my route because I missed the bus home, luckily for me I was with a colleague and so we chatted happily while we got into a game, where I picked a song from way back, sang it to a point and then ask if he remembers or knows the song and if he didn't I scored a point and if I didn't he scored a point. The experience was funny, and filled with so much laughter that the distance of the journey was not even noticed.

Don't forget to plan ahead for the date. I have a beach in mind and I hear they have the perfect spot for kissing and taking pictures. Also, dress comfy and don't forget to bring a change of clothes cos I will.

I look forward to taking walks with you even as I believe that this is the beginning of something beautiful, I look forward to our walks becoming semi karaoke, our walks been filled with talks, laughter, planning, running and playing in the sand, maybe a little disagreements that gets settled, lots of kisses and making out but more importantly I look forward to loving you now and always.

1 Comments

Love it, Embrace it. Its yours.

July 24, 2017

I cant remember anyone while growing up around me who embraced the idea of having natural hair.

Natural hair was scorned and majority of those who had it on, couldn't wait to add relaxers on it. It was not like having it at that time was totally a bad idea but it wasn't entirely accepted. A lot of folks would quickly term a girl with natural hair has been a spiritual sort of person, someone who knew God on a more intimate level and then put the girl whose hair has already been retouched as a bad girl, it was all about labelling people by putting them in boxes.

In those days, they were not even called 'Natural hair' but 'Virgin hair' and so once retouched they say you have dis-virgined your hair. its begs to question whoever coined such nonsense.

A lot of young girls couldn't wait to retouch their hair including me whenever time and opportunity presented itself. One good reason was that there was little or no information about it and as such a lot of people didn't know how to appreciate it.

We saw the hair as something painful, more like a burden and a curse and something to get rid off quickly and so the relaxers came in. Another thing, was majority of the hair salons at that time didn't also help the situation - you walk in to the salon to fix your hair and next thing the hairdresser is asking you, why your hair is still retouched and how you should be thinking about putting relaxer in it.

This is not to in anyway to talk down on those who have chosen and will still choose to retouch their hair either by choosing to make it softer or by texturizing it.

I remember having a discus about relaxers with my mum while I was still retouching my hair and she said before the advent of relaxers there were stuffs called 'Hot comb' or better still 'Stretching comb'. She explained that these combs were put in hot substances and were then now used to comb the hair while still hot, this process would in turn help in stretching the hair, removing the kinky curls and puffiness even though this change would only last for a short while and then the hair is back to its original state. She stressed that this process also had consequences because if the hot comb is not applied on the hair with the right amount of heat then with so much heat the hair could catch fire and burn. Yet, a lot of young ladies and women during her time where not deterred by this, they wanted what they wanted by damning the consequences.

The thing is even with the positive natural hair movement going on, a lot of folks still say that their hair can still be healthy even with the relaxers in it while others argue that it cannot thereby creating a back and forth thing. This post is not in anyway to argue about whether your hair is healthy or not neither is it here to tell you about the what not of relaxers and texturizers but that you should be accepting of your hair and the intricacies that come with it.

This post is to tell you that whichever journey you choose for your hair and yourself you should make sure that you the one telling your story, not the stories that shaped us in the past making us think less of what we were given but redefining who we are by making new histories by loving and embracing it because it is yours. Therefore, own it.

2 Comments

Dont Stop.

July 12, 2017

1 Comments

Away from the Norm.

July 11, 2017

I grew up in a house where things like breast, vagina, sex, kissing or what are views were never expected to be a subject of discussion. My parents never spoke or taught me about sex or what it entailed so I grew up with a curious mind, everything I saw I wanted to experiment with it.

I learnt from peers, books and movies as I grew older. My hostel mates in high school taught me un-consciously as I watched from afar how to wrap a sanitary pad around my vagina during my menstrual period though I had still had a kind of learning on the job experience and for a very long time I thought a person could get pregnant from kissing especially when feeling wet. The high school I also attended was of little or no assistance because when it was time to learn about the reproductive system our tutor taught the subject like a forbidden fruit not to be eaten, and even though he taught on some salient point he still danced around all the important areas of discus ending the class with draw the reproductive organ on the board and for those of you who want a career in medicine you would know more as you progress academically, no concise social knowledge whatsoever, no wonder the streets take so much credit giving rise to the increase in unwanted pregnancies in teenagers therefore leaving the mind in a worse state than it was before.

However, society instructs the girl child at a tender age; an instruction that comes across as a warning rather than an advice.

“Don’t let a man touch you, else you get pregnant”. One of such many instructions I grew up hearing… My dad would always threaten while growing up as a young lady “If you ever get pregnant I would disown you” after which I would look lost wondering how easy getting pregnant must seem, not telling me the importance about my vagina, the intricacies and the delicate frame of the vagina, the extra attention it needs, they forget to mention that I am my vagina, that it is my identity and that I cease to exist as a woman without it.

The vagina one of the organs that has been strategically and visually placed for all.

The vagina a sex organ and a weapon used for war, peace and negotiations yet many still need to learn how to wield and sheath it like a sword because of the level of ignorance and decadence society has sold us.

Scientifically, we have been taught that the vagina has an in-built cleansing system yet society sees it as a part of the body that needs to be disdained on the outside and partially accepted on the inside.

The vagina a six letter word just like every other part of the body seeking recognition and acceptance.

The vagina a place to be celebrated and not demeaned, a story yet to be unfolded, an abode that longs to be carried with pride.

The society also instructs with the help of culture that women are not permitted to enjoy sex and even though they don’t say it openly you hear it in their unfinished statement, you hear it when a mother is giving out her daughter out in marriage, they instruct her not to moan when she is been pleasured, they tell her to suppress it, if at all you want to moan, do it quietly so your husband does not consider you a pig while some cultures go to the extent of cutting out the clitoris off the vagina, they call it circumcision thereby exposing the child to all manner of irritants and diseases.

The vagina an identity that has been wrongly used to judge the worth of a woman. If it is been assumed to be used by many she is labeled a slut and if also assumed not to be available they are quick in tagging her selfish – ungenerous.

Oh vagina. Hasn’t it brought down many kingdoms and restored some? Doesn’t it beckon to the wise and the foolish, saying ,

“Come! Come!! and I will give you all the treasures you desire.

A place that serves as a passage to life, death, pleasure, victories, defeat and a sense of belonging to many. A place many men feel, forgetting its carrier feel entitled to, like it’s their God given right.

One scared female part, yet spoken about in hushed tones. A land of exploration, yet uncelebrated.

Another of such several fables society and culture has sold us is the one that says “When a woman and a man take a bath together and if during the bath the woman uses the soap to wash her vagina that automatically the woman would be the boss of the man at home. Another is told of a woman who is seen to be prospering in her business particularly the food business popularly known as ‘Buka’ or ‘Mama Put’, society is seen judging her and saying the water she uses to cleanse her vagina has been added to the food therefore making the food delicious so people can rush it. They fail to recognize her strength, hardwork, tenacity that has been invested into the business and so the only way they know how to bring her down is by shaming her vagina.

Have you ever wondered why the vagina has been reduced to derogatory names like the little red wagon, axe wound, cunt, pussy, flower, honeypot, and cookie just to mention a few, while neglecting its original name. Ever thought of why it's used as a yardstick to shame women? This is because our vagina stories have not been told like they should.

The vagina a name that should be called and pronounced with its syllables, accorded respect just like every other part of our body, not giving room for any old fables or lies. It's time we owned it with pride and shed off the shame

I have therefore come to the conclusion throughout the journey my vagina has afforded me that my vagina is me and it should be worn proudly with no shame. I enjoy all the pleasures it affords me and I have come to the understanding of knowing how to wield and yield it properly. My vagina is life and therefore a semi-god.

I would suggest you take a trip to vagina town on your own and not when you are inviting a second body inside, call it by its name, look through it, explore the opportunities it afford you don’t let it be told to you by another, take a mirror for a better view and if you have to, take a goddamn good picture and then absolve yourself off from every form of shame and guilt that the vagina has been labeled and then give it a long tight embrace, it is yours and you can use it as it pleases you.

In other words, who gets ashamed and scared of something so influential and powerful?