Dear Lover,

I saw a screen grab from Instagram the other day on facebook about a follower who requested for money from Bovi, saying he needed it for his baby naming ceremony. I found that very act irresponsible and loved every bit of Bovi's reply to the young man.

I would share the screen grabs so you can check them out too, but that post got me thinking about our finances and a couple's home I went to some years back.



And this incident got me thinking, cos I remembered a couple I met a long time ago who had just had a baby and were both living in a room with their 4-year-old child, that view alone has a teenager caused a paradigm shift for me. That incident cemented my decisions on things to consider before and when going into marriage.

The role that finance plays in a relationship and marriage plays cannot be overestimated and as such, I would want us to talk about it now and still leave it open for further discussions even as we progress on our journey.

I know that love is important and one of the core ingredients needed for us to flourish but I also hear that the availability of money makes romance easy. I read somewhere today that when couples can't provide the basic things they need at that moment, that's when they start becoming frustrated.

There are a lot of individuals dealing with abject lack, people who have kids that they cannot take care off, Un necessary spending leading to so many debts, wanting to live above their means and so much more and  of course,  I might not be able to point to the real cause of their problems but lack of preparation and planning is definitely one of the many courses.

I have seen where men become vultures when it comes to finances, I have seen people become shadows of who they once were when they experienced lack in an urgent need.

Personally, I feel quite frustrated when I can't provide for myself an urgent need - and that's why this talk must be had even as our finances increases.

A couple of people say but you have to start small to get your desired goal, which is true. But that does not mean giving room for idiocy. And that's why I believe so much in planning. A wise person once said to garner so much wealth or perhaps just enough wealth, the individual must know how to plan, save, invest and priorities.

I believe that you are already doing above cos I am.

How are you sure this date will show up and not go quiet on you just days before the day already

fixed ?

This was the question I asked myself even as i sat in front of my dresser, scarcely dressed; stairing  at

my wristwatch on a friday night.

I sat in front of the mirror and allowed time pass, I was tired of agreeing to go on dates with this particular guy and then few days before the day picked, he would disappear into thin air. No words, no excuse or reason given,  just complete silence and then he would resurface back as if nothing happened, pick up from where he left off and reschedule another date, forgetting the previous, only to repeat the cycle again.

So yes, I agreed to go on date again with this same guy because i somehow wanted to be cordial with him, maybe a part of me wanted more and so i wanted to be more open with the idea of a date, perhaps it could lead somewhere. We were supposed to see during the weekend, go to a quiet and serene place to talk over food and drinks but just like before, everything went quiet.

I read somewhere that some guys would ask a lady out on a date, make plans with her and would not show up, they wouldnt call to cancel neither will they text or reach out to explain why they couldnt make it, the article i read explained that most of these dates are called "Vague Date", the guy is not necessarily going to show up just because he is perhaps still checking out other girls and probably still weighing his options.

It is said that all is fair in love and war because most people have their equal share of those who have rejected them to those they have rejected. But constantly reminding yourself of a time when you turned down a date or rejected a love gesture by someone, doesnt change the feeling that you are torn in two when the tides turn.

Disappointment and being let down by people might be something that can never be erased by time because of our constant relations with people but it can also be something that can eventually lead a medical condition if not properly dealt with. I say this because when disappointment happens or perhaps our expectations are not meant, we try to look for reasons to justify why it happened. Sometimes we blame ourselves and question our identity instead of just processing and handling the pain rather than running away from it.

I guess you are probably thinking at this point that I am not over the feelings I had for the guy who made date plans with me and didnt show up. I guess there might be a tiny bit of truth in that, when I see a friend having a long banter on the phone (I live for conversations), I remember how we got talking and the stories that transformed into laughter. When I hear a song on the radio and i remembered the time I told you how much the song meant to me, but on the flipside when i see my future self: happy, accomplished, fulfilled and loved, living life without regrets and baggage, you know that you were saved from a disaster waiting to happen. And that is how you get over a date who showed no regard for you, who hurt you in the process and no longer deserves you, you acknowledge their place and purpose in your past but deny them access to your future. Like any addiction you get over it with time, an ironclad-support team, healthy distractions and closure on your terms not theirs.

Eventually, i realized even as i sat in front of the mirror that I cant understand the past by obsessing over the present, that i couldnt continue to turn down dates just because of one person's actions and that maybe the best thing that happened with me meeting this man was that he disappeared into thin air.
I can’t hold onto a man I can’t see which is great since you should never hold on to anyone who can’t see your worth and with that realization, i got undressed and got ready for bed.