My phone had beeped for the umpteenth time again and I wondered who it could be as I couldn't get to it at that time cos of work. I would later go through it during lunch time and among the sea of messages on my phone, there was one that stood out... 'Hi, My name is Debo. I got your number from Funke, I'm not sure if shes yet to tell you anything about me but I was hoping I could beat her to it, I am not sure about your schedule but would you like to meet over lunch tomorrow at Hard rocks cafe."

The thing with my darling friend Funke is that she has made it her life mission to set me up for dates. Of course, I love my friend but all the dates she had hooked me up with, in the past had turned out bad. The guys were all funny subjects, she would later say at the end of each failed dates that she was sorry for not scrutinizing them thoroughly.

After a long day at work, checking my wrist for how long I'm going to sit in this traffic, my mind takes me back to the text I got earlier from Debo. I haven't replied the text yet but I wondered what kind of person he was, Funke had given him high marks, in her words, "She concluded by saying if not anything, he was some eye candy, witty and intelligent". The thing is I was not really bothered about the eye candy but to have intelligent conversations on the go would be an icing on the cake... I could tell even as I pondered on all the things Funke had told me that I could eventually like this one but I was definitely not in a hurry to find out; there were more important things to find out first, things that even the very fact that he was intelligent or had a good job wouldn't matter. Because more important questions like, Is he a kind person ? or how thoughtful he is as a human being towards others still needed to be answered and even as I pondered on all these I dozed off.

owa oh! owa oh! owa oh! I heard the scream faintly and then more clearly, the man behind me shouted at the conductor jolting me out of my sleep, makimg me more aware of my surroundings. Shey! you won carry me pass my bus stop ni? the man screamed into the conductor's face even as he alighted from the bus. Luckily for me, I had still had a few distance to cover before getting down.

My walk home most evenings on my way from work always tell a lot about how the journey went, but this night it was different, Funke had called me even as I got down from the bus to catch up on our day  - this was more like a ritual and when either of us couldn't place the call, a text message was sent, however, she also wanted the 411 on Debo but there was none to spill for now.

The truth was Funke was overly excited about Debo for me than she has ever been about any guy, not even the ones I dated and this excitement was sending all kind of messages to me because on the phone earlier she had told me before hanging up " I know I havent introduced you to a guy that will impress you enough to fall for him but Debo is different- I know I should tell you all the other amazing things about him but I want you to be suprised in a way that makes you fall in love with him, in ways you never thought possible. All I need you to do is trust me with your love life once more."

Anyway, I think I should go to bed now, another work day lurks around the corner and you can bet its filled with traffic cos the city is lagos.

...Goes to bed 10:30pm

5:00am - Checks her phone for new messages... 'Hey. how did the rest of your day go? Still expecting your reply on our scheduled date. You can choose a place if you're not comfortable with Hard rocks cafe but more importantly, I'm checking to know if you got home safe, cos the traffic was crazy and I would hate for you to still be in it. Do lemme know cos I'm worried."

Checks time message got recieved 11:00pm

7:30am -  beep another message tune! Hey you. Thanks for keeping me worried all through the night but I'm still waiting to know you got home safely last night. Good morning.

7:50- I got home late last night but i did get home safe. You can stop worrying now. Good morning.

PS:- Hard rocks cafe is nice but I think we should go to a quiet place where we can talk and eat and I have the perfect place in mind. I'll keep you posted.

8:00am - Humming to myself J.Moss song "I'm gonna have a good day, a beautiful day🎵🎵

Dear Lover,

I saw a screen grab from Instagram the other day on facebook about a follower who requested for money from Bovi, saying he needed it for his baby naming ceremony. I found that very act irresponsible and loved every bit of Bovi's reply to the young man.

I would share the screen grabs so you can check them out too, but that post got me thinking about our finances and a couple's home I went to some years back.



And this incident got me thinking, cos I remembered a couple I met a long time ago who had just had a baby and were both living in a room with their 4-year-old child, that view alone has a teenager caused a paradigm shift for me. That incident cemented my decisions on things to consider before and when going into marriage.

The role that finance plays in a relationship and marriage plays cannot be overestimated and as such, I would want us to talk about it now and still leave it open for further discussions even as we progress on our journey.

I know that love is important and one of the core ingredients needed for us to flourish but I also hear that the availability of money makes romance easy. I read somewhere today that when couples can't provide the basic things they need at that moment, that's when they start becoming frustrated.

There are a lot of individuals dealing with abject lack, people who have kids that they cannot take care off, Un necessary spending leading to so many debts, wanting to live above their means and so much more and  of course,  I might not be able to point to the real cause of their problems but lack of preparation and planning is definitely one of the many courses.

I have seen where men become vultures when it comes to finances, I have seen people become shadows of who they once were when they experienced lack in an urgent need.

Personally, I feel quite frustrated when I can't provide for myself an urgent need - and that's why this talk must be had even as our finances increases.

A couple of people say but you have to start small to get your desired goal, which is true. But that does not mean giving room for idiocy. And that's why I believe so much in planning. A wise person once said to garner so much wealth or perhaps just enough wealth, the individual must know how to plan, save, invest and priorities.

I believe that you are already doing above cos I am.

How are you sure this date will show up and not go quiet on you just days before the day already

fixed ?

This was the question I asked myself even as i sat in front of my dresser, scarcely dressed; stairing  at

my wristwatch on a friday night.

I sat in front of the mirror and allowed time pass, I was tired of agreeing to go on dates with this particular guy and then few days before the day picked, he would disappear into thin air. No words, no excuse or reason given,  just complete silence and then he would resurface back as if nothing happened, pick up from where he left off and reschedule another date, forgetting the previous, only to repeat the cycle again.

So yes, I agreed to go on date again with this same guy because i somehow wanted to be cordial with him, maybe a part of me wanted more and so i wanted to be more open with the idea of a date, perhaps it could lead somewhere. We were supposed to see during the weekend, go to a quiet and serene place to talk over food and drinks but just like before, everything went quiet.

I read somewhere that some guys would ask a lady out on a date, make plans with her and would not show up, they wouldnt call to cancel neither will they text or reach out to explain why they couldnt make it, the article i read explained that most of these dates are called "Vague Date", the guy is not necessarily going to show up just because he is perhaps still checking out other girls and probably still weighing his options.

It is said that all is fair in love and war because most people have their equal share of those who have rejected them to those they have rejected. But constantly reminding yourself of a time when you turned down a date or rejected a love gesture by someone, doesnt change the feeling that you are torn in two when the tides turn.

Disappointment and being let down by people might be something that can never be erased by time because of our constant relations with people but it can also be something that can eventually lead a medical condition if not properly dealt with. I say this because when disappointment happens or perhaps our expectations are not meant, we try to look for reasons to justify why it happened. Sometimes we blame ourselves and question our identity instead of just processing and handling the pain rather than running away from it.

I guess you are probably thinking at this point that I am not over the feelings I had for the guy who made date plans with me and didnt show up. I guess there might be a tiny bit of truth in that, when I see a friend having a long banter on the phone (I live for conversations), I remember how we got talking and the stories that transformed into laughter. When I hear a song on the radio and i remembered the time I told you how much the song meant to me, but on the flipside when i see my future self: happy, accomplished, fulfilled and loved, living life without regrets and baggage, you know that you were saved from a disaster waiting to happen. And that is how you get over a date who showed no regard for you, who hurt you in the process and no longer deserves you, you acknowledge their place and purpose in your past but deny them access to your future. Like any addiction you get over it with time, an ironclad-support team, healthy distractions and closure on your terms not theirs.

Eventually, i realized even as i sat in front of the mirror that I cant understand the past by obsessing over the present, that i couldnt continue to turn down dates just because of one person's actions and that maybe the best thing that happened with me meeting this man was that he disappeared into thin air.
I can’t hold onto a man I can’t see which is great since you should never hold on to anyone who can’t see your worth and with that realization, i got undressed and got ready for bed.

Everyday, they churn out vacancies, asking us to apply.

We hear that jobs are available, Only apply, we are told.

They tell us the jobs are based on merit and so candidates will be selected on their performance; they

say.

You will get the job as long as you check all the boxes, so fret not, they chorus.

Well here's my reply to you,






Dear Recruiter,

I applied for the job and eventually had a phone interview with you which was successful because I

received an email two days later that I have succeeded and now moving on to the next stage but that

was a years ago and the last time I heard from you.

I really wanted that Job!


Dear Recruiter,

I applied for the Job and I got call in for the interview. I succeeded but you told me that the person I

would work with is presently not in the country but that you would send a mail to let me know when

to resume. I was happy that I got the job because you told me I would hear from you in the next two

weeks, but I didn't. So I paid you a courtesy visit after 3 weeks to remind you but you assured me that

I would still get called that the person is still not yet back due to a family issue but its been 3 months

now, still no word.

I really wanted that Job!


Dear Recruiter,

I saw the advertisement you placed requesting that people send in their resume. You received mine

because I got invited for a test, then an interview and funny enough I got called for my medicals but

that was the last time I heard from you. Its been 2 years now.

I really wanted that Job!


Dear Recruiter,

I came in for the interview even before business began for the day. I dressed smart for the occasion, I

made sure my 'I' were dotted and my 't's' crossed yet I didn't get the Job.

I really wanted that Job!


Dear Recruiter,

I sent in my resume, following all the guidelines you highlighted. I patterned my resume according to

the standard you laid out and I still didn't get the job.

I really wanted that Job!


Dear Recruiter,

I saw the advertisement placed requesting that interested candidates should send in their CV, of

which I did. Six candidates were shortlisted after the test. You said you will get back to us.

We never heard from you.

I really wanted that Job!


Dear Recruiter,

I came in for the job fair just as your invite stated. I made it in time and listened attentively, you

mentioned that there was going to be job interviews at the end of the fair. I reconstructed my CV just

as you suggested. I excelled at the interview because you told me so and I still didn't get the job.

I really wanted that Job!


Dear Recruiter,

I got your invitation for a chat - You said I should come in so we could talk about the Job. I did, but

while discussing you also mentioned that I would need to pay an amount of money before I can be

considered for the position and that was the end of the discuss.

I really wanted that Job!





I really would love if you can take a chance on me so I can be removed from the unemployment

statistics rate and be gainfully employed  but recruiters keep making it so difficult and this is me

venting and pleading...

Prove to me that you really want to give me that Job!

Signed,

Applicant.

How have you been ? I trust you well. Missing and longing after you has been on the increase lately, reason been I cant stop thinking about you. I have been thinking about our supposed date night and I know it will be splendid ; however, I would love to run a few ideas by you.

I read somewhere online that there a lot of healthy benefits from taking walks on the beach, the article talked about how the walk strengthens the muscles in the legs with the help of the sand, how the beach has also helped to clear the mind therapeutically and a whole bunch of other helpful stuffs.

I think a walk on the beach followed by a picnic would be perfect right now - I hear that places like that are also good for massages and I think one of the many private beaches we have here will serve the purpose.

Personally, I think taking a walk is the new sexy but the environment here in Nigeria does not create the exact serenity to enjoy the walk.

The other night, on my way back from work, I had to trek a significant distance  to get another bus going my route because I missed the bus home, luckily for me I was with a colleague and so we chatted happily while we got into a game, where I picked a song from way back, sang it to a point and then ask if he remembers or knows the song and if he didn't I scored a point and if I didn't he scored a point. The experience was funny, and filled with so much laughter that the distance of the journey was not even noticed.

Don't forget to plan ahead for the date. I have a beach in mind and I hear they have the perfect spot for kissing and taking pictures. Also, dress comfy and don't forget to bring a change of clothes cos I will.

I look forward to taking walks with you even as I believe that this is the beginning of something beautiful, I look forward to our walks becoming semi karaoke, our walks been filled with talks, laughter, planning, running and playing in the sand, maybe a little disagreements that gets settled, lots of kisses and making out but more importantly I look forward to loving you now and always.

I cant remember anyone while growing up around me who embraced the idea of having natural hair.

Natural hair was scorned and majority of those who had it on, couldn't wait to add relaxers on it. It was not like having it at that time was totally a bad idea but it wasn't entirely accepted. A lot of folks would quickly term a girl with natural hair has been a spiritual sort of person, someone who knew God on a more intimate level and then put the girl whose hair has already been retouched as a bad girl, it was all about labelling people by putting them in boxes.

In those days, they were not even called 'Natural hair' but 'Virgin hair' and so once retouched they say you have dis-virgined your hair. its begs to question whoever coined such nonsense.

A lot of young girls couldn't wait to retouch their hair including me whenever time and opportunity presented itself. One good reason was that there was little or no information about it and as such a lot of people didn't know how to appreciate it.

We saw the hair as something painful, more like a burden and a curse and something to get rid off quickly and so the relaxers came in. Another thing, was majority of the hair salons at that time didn't also help the situation - you walk in to the salon to fix your hair and next thing the hairdresser is asking you, why your hair is still retouched and how you should be thinking about putting relaxer in it.

This is not to in anyway to talk down on those who have chosen and will still choose to retouch their hair either by choosing to make it softer or by texturizing it.

I remember having a discus about relaxers with my mum while I was still retouching my hair and she said before the advent of relaxers there were stuffs called  'Hot comb' or better still 'Stretching comb'. She explained that these combs were put in hot substances and were then now used to comb the hair while still hot, this process would in turn help in stretching the hair, removing the kinky curls and puffiness even though this change would only last for a short while and then the hair is back to its original state. She stressed that this process also had consequences because if the hot comb is not applied on the hair with the right amount of heat then with so much heat the hair could catch fire and burn. Yet, a lot of young ladies and women during her time where not deterred by this, they wanted what they wanted by damning the consequences.

The thing is even with the positive natural hair movement going on, a lot of folks still say that their hair can still be healthy even with the relaxers in it while others argue that it cannot thereby creating a back and forth thing. This post is not in anyway to argue about whether your hair is healthy or not neither is it here to tell you about the what not of relaxers and texturizers but that you should be accepting of your hair and the intricacies that come with it.

This post is to tell you that whichever journey you choose for your hair and yourself you should make sure that you the one telling your story, not the stories that shaped us in the past making us think less of what we were given but redefining who we are by making new histories by loving and embracing it because it is yours. Therefore, own it.

It’s very easy to get discouraged when looking for new opportunities either as a graduate or someone looking to start afresh in another professional field after several applications has been submitted to different companies.

I remember applying for a job role in a multinational company and how excited I got when I received news that I had been invited to write a test and then also interviewed with them after the success of the test… Let me quickly add that of everyone who was invited for the test, I was the only one invited for the interview. However, my disappointment knew no bounds when I got news that I didn’t make it to the next stage which was the final stage.

The thing is after going through all the stages listed above which took several weeks and then receiving news that I could not proceed to the stage that would secure the employment, there’s definitely going to be disappointment which could lead to frustration and discouragement which could in turn cause one to deviate from his/her set goals.

Was I disappointed? Yes

When it comes to mind does it bother me? Sometimes.

Why? Because I put in my time, effort, studied towards it and expected nothing but the best.

However, one thing I have realized is that on the way to the top, there will be situations like these and several others, which would make me question several things like, whether I did something right or not, or perhaps said something or omitted, things that would sow thoughts that I might not be enough or maybe I did something in excess, but I remind myself daily to keep at it no matter how difficult it seems.

Therefore, I keep pursuing till I achieve my aim, reminding myself as I go that its okay not to get it the first time as long as I keep trying.